Planting Seeds

A few months have passed since my college graduation (woo!!) and like many of my fellow grads, I have returned to my parent’s nest to rebuild a savings account for my next life adventure. I was not originally pleased about this backtracking, as I tend to imagine life as an ever-progressing straight line, but now I’m thinking it’s more like this, and being home is okay for me at this point.

Regardless, I made it my goal to recreate what seems like a frozen-in-the-past lifestyle that I’ve fallen victim to each summer I return home. I slip back into child role under my parent’s tending to (who wouldn’t take it if it’s there?– thanks, ma), I go to the same bars night after night (ily omist), and I forget about all the positive growth I made by challenging myself while away at school.

So, as my undergraduate reminder of all I’ve overcome and all I’ve learned I’m capable of overcoming, I chopped off 11 inches of my hair on my last day in the city that became my home throughout college. The rationale for cutting my hair is true, though obscure to most, as it is with most of my decisions made, but that may have to be a blog post of its own.

July hit yesterday as a second reminder, and I realized it was time to cultivate that healthy growth and newness I felt at school in this environment that seemed all too familiar.

For as long as I can remember, I’ve been fascinated with flowers. Mesmerized by their natural beauty, I’ve filled paper gardens of doodles, enhanced my tardy reputation inhaling their sweet aromas on my walk to class, taken countless pictures of sunlight striking them in different ways. I’ve learned some of my favorite life lessons from flowers.

A flower does not think of competing to the flower next to it. It just blooms. — Sensei Ogui, Zen Shin Talks

I used to love receiving them on special occasions, such as graduations or birthdays, but I’m starting to see that having something beautiful of your own isn’t nearly as fulfilling as being beside something beautiful of its own. It’s that way with people, too, I’m learning.

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I knew I loved everything about flowers, but it seemed silly that my admiration should stop at eyesight. When you’re passionate about something or someone, isn’t that the case? You yearn to know more about them. The way they like to be taken care of, what makes them tick, what makes them smile, what makes them live.

Thus, I discovered my new summer goal. I set out to invest in some tools and knowledge, and I’m well on my way in learning to identify the beautiful life that colors our earth and fills our air with sweet scents. The very same world can be so different when you’re seeing it in a new perspective lens. My backyard is much less just the space where I grew during high school than it is full of Sassafras trees and varieties of Rhododendron and Hosta.FullSizeRender

I also bought this beautiful little succulent called Hens and Chicks (named Suca) that marks the start of my future garden in my future adventure. I can’t be sure that its location will be here at home, but like my favorite little teachers, I know I’ll have the strength to soak in the sunshine with the rain, withstand uprooting and transplant myself away from toxic areas to those which will nourish my living to a greater extent. But most importantly, I’ll never forget that I am always capable of, and meant to grow. Now that’s some flower power.

A Break in the Gray

If I were to openly express a stereotype I’m working to overcome (in all of its unrighteousness), I would do it here for the purpose of this blog post and it would be about Mondays, in that they are typically and destined to be long, dull and gray. Thus was the case this week.

As expected of an all-inclusive Monday, a few things had gone not-so-ideally and I was fighting a case of the grumps by the time 5:30 p.m. had rolled around.

I had finally finished classes for the day and was met with a striking red traffic light, thwarting my timely trek to the library. I joined the crowd of other students waiting to cross the road, making extended (almost to the point of being awkward) eye contact with a fellow trekker before returning to the screen of my cell phone to address the gray-day’s remaining emails.

I was relieved to find this task consumed but few minutes, and I gratefully put my phone away to give my mind a break for the remainder of my stroll. At this point, I had managed to hit yet another red light and I realized I was still walking in sync with the man-bun student I had made eye contact with two lights ago.

“How’s your Monday going?” I asked. It was yet another one of those moments where I was reminded just how much faster my mouth works than my brain.

Unsurprised by a stranger’s grade-C conversation starter, my walking partner responded by telling me that as of this morning, Monday was his new favorite day. Delighted at this response, I inquired why- somewhat desperately- and allowed my mind and ears to unfold, ready to receive the beautiful insight that so often stems from serendipity.

He told me that he had learned the prefix, mon- in Monday, is the French word meaning ‘my’. Monday, to my new friend Nick, now meant ‘my‘ day, and was synonymous with the glorious carpe diem: seize the day.

Did the gray clouds really break at the sharing of this enchanting idea? I don’t know. But I thought about how accomplished I feel after I have a productive Monday, and how it sets the tone for the rest of my week. I thought about past Mondays and how they aren’t really all dull and gray, not when you have the right mindset. I thought about how grateful I was to have met my new friend Nick, and had a mentality-shifting 2-minute conversation with a stranger. But more than anything, I thought about how I can’t wait to make Monday mine next week.

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The Sweetness of Paying It Forward

It’s another beautiful day in the world, and I just had an experience with a stranger that deserved a mini blog post! I was just walking to class (in a delightful mood because I substituted some stress for some fun with friends last night) when I heard cheering from the sidewalk. A group of girls were selling popsicles for $1 and had caught the attention of another onlooker who, mid-walk, yelled excitedly, “Do you take debit cards?!”

The girls laughed, their faces contorting to exaggeratedly sad expressions, and called back that sorry, they do not, and the popsicle-craving passerby accepted defeat and proceeded. At this point we happened to be walking next to each other and before I knew it I had asked, “You really want a popsicle, huh?”

Though she giggled “no” (presumably out of politeness), my hand was already reaching into my easily accessible lanyard-wallet (that my friends make fun of me for) to get her a dollar. She accepted my offer graciously, smiley and thankful, told me I was her spirit animal (is she a butterfly too?), and the two of us parted ways.

Of course, this all happened in a matter of 30 seconds, but the reverberating contentment I felt from this simple act of kindness set in motion the positive energy that would carry me through the rest of the day and perhaps longer. I probably won’t see this stranger again and I have one dollar less to my name, but contributing to her joy (AND supporting the very specific band service sorority!) gave me a feeling much sweeter than any popsicle.

As the stranger and I headed in opposite directions I had called back, “pay it forward!”, and she replied happily that of course, she will. And I believe her.

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Duties vs. Dreams: When Life Gets In the Way

Alas! As if it were a test from the universe, I have become so caught up in “obligations” a month and a half into good & grateful that I’ve forgotten to make time for the very passions that brought this space into fruition: writing, encouraging others and replenishing altruistic energy into this world, among the many. It’s as if identifying and vocalizing my passions wasn’t enough.

It’s easy to preach to others and to pass words without backing them up, hence the phrase, “easier said than done.” For me, writing to spread positivity comes as innate enjoyment- a fun and natural way to pass the time. But what about those instances when life just seems to get in the way? When we lose ourselves in that which mainstream society deems valuable- grades, meetings, work, money, expectations, to-do’s- that we forget to make time for the things that we find intimately worthy? It seems to be one of modern humanity’s defining battles, not to mention a great source of the unhappiness that exists today. Lately, I found myself wondering, how can I inspire others and restore truth and goodness if I allow my own passions and dreams to be swept aside by society’s demands?

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For a few weeks now, I’ve been taunted by an unshakable feeling. My courses picked up right after spring break, mandating my best-attempted nosedive into a whirlpool of responsibilities. As a senior in my final semester of college, I’m finally getting that “real world experience” we all think we’ve been craving. Trying to balance 6 courses, 4 clients, an internship, a part-time job and a (rapidly diminishing) social life, I am the busiest I’ve ever been. While I’m beyond appreciative of these opportunities, the long-awaited moments when my head hit the pillow in darkness were met with unsettlement: something felt wrong.

It was the feeling that I was straying from my true purpose, and spending my time and energy in ways that didn’t serve my soul.”

Though I have come so far in discovering my true self, passions and dreams, I’m realizing that it is an on-going journey, and one that requires discipline, direction and dedication. I was so busy and caught up in the hours and minutes of each day that I had no time to enjoy the present moment, never mind engage in something that fulfilled me. I was stressed, frustrated and overworked. I knew something wasn’t right but I didn’t know what to do about it; I needed a sign and a push in the right direction.

Today, amidst my speed-walk to class after a flustering client meeting, a flier caught my eye. It read “Dream Job Revolution,” noting a seminar by life coach, inspirational speaker and best-selling author, Mitch Matthews, that was to occur later that night. It was just what I was looking for, but disheartened, I told myself I didn’t have a whole 2 hours to spare on leisurely activities.

Later that evening when I parked to go to the library, I looked at the flier one last time. It suddenly hit me that I was being ridiculous, that I wanted to go to this presentation more than anything and that this was the nudge I needed and had been asking for to get back on the path of my dreams. So I followed the signs of the universe, and was rewarded.

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The event was incredible. Anonymously, each participant described one of their “BIG dreams” on a bright green dream sheet and hung it on the wall to be commented on and encouraged by others. Surrounding myself with other passionate individuals was the return to consciousness that I needed! Mitch Matthews’ presentation inspired me to get back on track with my passions, despite the pressing obligations that were distracting me from doing so.

I’m beginning to see that there will always be a “reason” to set your dreams aside. If you’re looking for an excuse, you’ll find it. Duties, expectations and obstacles are going to get in your way. Life is going to get in the way. Following your dreams isn’t a simple feat, but the most rewarding journeys aren’t. There will always be things that need to get done and things people need from you, and there will never be enough time to do it all. But sometimes you need to take a moment to say yes to the things that serve your truth and pass on those which do not. As Mr. Matthews said beautifully tonight: “crazy things happen when we allow ourselves to dream.”

Become familiar with the sound of your own truth- how whole you feel when you’re doing something you innately love- so you know when you have wandered from your path and you know how to get back on it.

Take a minute to reflect. Where are your time and energy being spent? Are they going toward that which fulfills you most, your passions and dreams? If the answer is no, think about why are you distracted by these other obligations. Who are you doing them for if not for yourself?

So yes, I do still have a 20-page paper to finish by the morning, and I still have to balance all of my responsibilities for the remainder of the semester. But tonight, I made a point to make time for myself and my passions, despite all of these distractions… and dang, my soul feels good & grateful for it.

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